You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Randomize
