we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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