Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
