check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
