Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
