maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
