I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
