Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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