Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
