Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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