I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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