It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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