im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
