Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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