She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
