idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
What drink are we having for lunch?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
