By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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