I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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