His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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