This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
