she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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