so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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