good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
