I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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