Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
