Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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