are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
