bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
