That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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