I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I currently don't understand fingers.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
