Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize
