but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
