Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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