Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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