My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I lost the right to judge tonight
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
