Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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