she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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