the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
this beer tastes like vomit already
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
