oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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