You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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