By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
