i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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