My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
wow bdsm is so cute
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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