I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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