it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
