have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
