I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
