i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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