I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
