I got chris browned last night
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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