He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I wish i was in the wii world.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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