I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
