I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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