ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
