His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
