The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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