I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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