i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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