By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
