We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
